The year I lose weight and get healthy, the year I finish/write a story to publish, the year I get organized, the year I get my own business running, the year I succeed.
Each year turns out just like the last and I begin each New Year with the same ideas, hopes and dreams. I've known for a long time that my thought patterns are cyclical and in order to do something, I have to take it further than a list or an idea on a piece of paper. I joke about being scatterbrained and disorganized - and I am, to a point, but I think I also lack a few other things that keep me from succeeding.
Focus - I know this is a problem. What starts out with a bang gives way to me forgetting about it, replacing it with a new and even better idea, or my lack of confidence zaps the life out of it.
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Commitment - maybe this is similar to focus but I can't commit to any one thing. I've got a few talents and they aren't the get you rich quick kind of talents but moreover, I need to hone in on one thing and start with that but because I lack focus, I'm not sure how to do that!Time - not enough of it. I know everyone suffers from this. The real world gets in the way of living one's dream. Food needs to be bought, bills paid and by the time all that is done, there is no time left in my day to dedicate to a start-up. I work 7 to 5 (including commute) and I have a small child who is not known for his ability to sleep... I just don't know how to get it all in...
Health - I lack it. Not just my weight and lack of regular exercise. I have a few health problems that are roadblocks. I've never used my health as an excuse but as the drugs increase in my body, the side effects worsen but the issues aren't really being resolved. My body hurts, a lot, but worse than that is the exhaustion! Any parent, college student, senior or stressed person can relate, I'm sure, but many days, I feel like that times 10. My head gets muddy and I can't think straight and its sheer will power that one foot gets put in front of the other. Working all day and walking all over campus do me in. When I get home, its make dinner, find jammies and SIT! There is no playing with my son, no visiting friends, talking on the phone, and writing or being creative, I am just finished. And the bonus? I get to do the exact same thing the next day!
But I want 2012 to be different. I’m three years from my fortieth birthday and although that doesn’t really bother me, the fact I feel stalled – and like I’ve spent nearly twenty years stalled – does. I want to live life, not wait for a life to live. I’ll let you know right now, I don’t know the answer, I don’t have a plan and I don’t know if I will have any success but this New Year, I’m making a list and I will be checking it twice! Assuming I can remember where I put it…
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